Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
