Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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