a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
