so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
