I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
