I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
