maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
