Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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