New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
