I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We need to get me chipped asap
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
