so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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