You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two words: blizzard sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
