Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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