the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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