how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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