i would punch a child for taco bell
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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