Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
