I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
