it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
