i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
