Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
