so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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