I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
