dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize