I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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