Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
