He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
