Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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