can u get pink eye on your cock?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
