No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
