she smelled like a LAN party
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
