I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
