Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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