jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
