sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize