I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
