He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
