dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
