That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
