It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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