My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
