"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
