Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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