You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize