ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
