So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
