holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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