he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
