Your tits are I can't wait for
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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