Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
