my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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