You really coming over, don't trick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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