Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
