ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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