he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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