How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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