Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
