I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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