He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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