She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
