You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
