You can't special order awesome
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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