he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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