Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
