Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
