The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
