I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
