Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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