i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
