...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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