she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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