Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
