He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
