Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
