Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
